Off To The Races
by OdairBear
Summary: "Because I'm crazy, baby I need you to come here and save me I'm your little scarlet starlet Singin' in the garden Kiss me on my open mouth Ready for you"-Lana Del Rey. Tris has a history of Self-Harm and eating disorders but that doesn't stop Tobias from becoming infatuated with her. Surprisingly they have more in common that Tris could have ever imagined.
1. I: Prelude to Madness

**Chapter 1: Prelude to Madness (Tris' POV)**

My brother just returned from a semester of college at University of Southern California. Our parents are never really home. Our dad works as a senator in Washington DC and our mother is on a Peace Corps mission in Kigali, Rwanda. Don't ask me anymore about it, all I know is that she's somewhere in Africa.

When we were a family we all lived together in the Suburbs of Chicago. Now it's just me, I live in a penthouse in downtown Chicago. I have a maid though, she keeps me company. Her name is Dorota. She does all the cooking and cleaning for me so I'm basically free to do whatever I want. Go partying, roam the city, except for the fact that I don't.

I'm happy that Caleb's coming home for his two week break between semesters. At least it coincides with my winter break so we'll get to be with each other for the full two weeks. Maybe I'll actually do something fun for a change. I never really get out much because I don't have friends. It may be a sad life but I have my books, music, and Netflix account to get me through it. I like to work out too though. Our building has a really nice gym that's open twenty four hours a day.

Dorota knocks on my door. "Dinner is ready Tris," she says, her thick Russian accent seeping into every word she says. I head out into the dining room and Caleb's already sitting down. Doroto serves lamb osso bucco with polenta. My serving is significantly smaller than Caleb's, well at least she's catching on.

I eat about a quarter of what's on my plate before heading to the kitchen to dump the remainder in the trash can. "What do you think you're doing Tris?" He asks me with an eyebrow raised. I return the eyebrow raise but try to give off a confused vibe, "throwing out my leftovers?"

"You barely ate anything Tris. Have you been eating?" Caleb asks and I get offended even though his suspicions are correct. "Caleb! Will you get off my back, I'm not a child anymore I can take care of myself!" I says, yelling at him.  
>"But you don't know how to take care of yourself Beatrice. Just because mom and dad abandoned you for work doesn't mean you're responsible enough to live this life. Honestly I don't know how they trust you to live on your own," Caleb mutters.<p>

"I swear Caleb I've been eating, I promise," I lie, trying to convince him into believing a falsehood. "I swear to god Beatrice, I'm only looking out for your own good. If you aren't eating you're going to die and I'm not just trying to scare you, I'm telling you the truth. You need food to live. Just eat please," he pleads.

"I've been eating regularly Caleb," I say and he eyes me suspiciously. "I pray that you're telling me the truth Beatrice," He says and I feel a pang in my heart for lying to him. I have to though, he can't know how bad it really is.

"You might want to get changed out of those sweat pants, we're having company over tonight?" He says. I try not to be nosy but my curiosity gets the best of me. "Who's coming?"

"Just a few friends from high school," He says. "Okay fine well I'll try to look decent," I say sarcastically and he laughs.

I head back to my room and take a shower. I blow dry my hair, then proceed to brush it meticulously until I get every single knot out. I apply subtle makeup and frown at my reflection, I'm still not pretty.

I head to my closet and opt for my tightest pair of jeans. I let out an excited squeal when I discover that they're loose on me, one step closer to my goal.

I change out of my jeans and into a pair of black leggings from Lululemon. I put on a pushup bra which turns my B-Cups into almost D-Cups. When I look in the mirror I smile giddily at the sight of my thigh gap which I've worked so hard for. It took me four months but it was worth it.

I pull on a black sheer top and head out into the living room where I see people who I assume are Caleb's friends. Caleb spots me and he walks towards me. "Go change," he commands and I obey.  
>I head back into my room and pull on a form-fitting USC T-shirt my brother got me when he first started college. I head back out into the living room where people are drinking champagne and reminiscing about their high school days.<p>

One of the guys-or should I say men- catches my eyes. His eyes are a striking shade of blue which I can see despite the distance. I sit down in the recliner across from him so I'm somewhat a part of the group. I look back up at the man and his eyes catch mine once again causing me to blush. _Stop it Tris, you're only a child to him… _my mind tells me. However the way he looks at me tells a different story.

Caleb heads back to his room to get something and one of the girls turns to me. "Want a little bit of Champagne Tris?" The girl asks holding up the bottle of Moet. Caleb probably told her my name. "No thank you," I say politely. I get up and head to kitchen to grab the bottle of Bushmills whiskey I had a homeless man buy me from a liquor store. I head back out into the living room and I look around. "Where's Caleb?" I ask.

"Oh he went back to one of the rooms with Susan," The girl who offered me champagne says. "By the way, I'm Shauna," She says introducing herself. "Nice to meet you, I assume Caleb already told you my name," I say. "Well Tris, your assumption is correct, I'm Zeke," a guy says.

"Well what do you have there, Tris?" The man with striking blue eyes says. "Whiskey… Bushmills if you'd like to get specific," I say in response before taking a swig.

"Are you going to share?" he counters. "I had to pay a homeless man two hundred dollars to get this me, and I'm not big on sharing with strangers so… no," I say sassily while I sit down.  
>I tune in and out of their conversation but as my bottle soon grows empty my mind soon becomes blurry. "Aw is little Trissy drunk?" Zeke asks and I nod and giggle in response.<p>

Caleb and Susan emerge an hour later, or at least what seemed like an hour. Everyone leaves except the man with the blue eyes. "I really need a place to sleep tonight," he says. "You can crash in one of the guest rooms I'm sure Tris won't mind," Caleb says. _Damn right I won't, I'd love to take that piece of man back to my room and see how fucking mature he is, _my drunken mind says.

I head back to my room and fall asleep on my bed. Letting the sweet salvation of sleep take me away


	2. II: Restriction

**Chapter 2: Restricting**

When I wake up Dorota has made eggs, bacon, and sausage. I eat one egg, a cup of coffee, and a bowl of strawberries considering they barely have any calories and at least the egg will give me a little bit of protein. Caleb and the man with the striking eyes enter the kitchen and fix their plates and I continue to drink my coffee it's disgusting considering it doesn't add creamer but those are unnecessary calories so I choose to forgo them.

Caleb and the man sit down at the table. "Tris I'm unsure of whether the two of you have been properly acquainted so anyways, Tris this is Tobias," He says. "Nice to meet you," I say.

"Same to you," he replies. I smile at him and he looks down at his plate and begins shoveling his food into his mouth. "Tris is that all you're going to eat," Caleb asks, obviously in an effort to piss me off. "What do you mean by that? I've eaten an egg, coffee, and a huge bowl of strawberries," I say trying to make it sound like I ate more than I actually have. "Have this," he says while handing me his blackberry Danish.  
>"I'm fine," I say and Tobias raises an eyebrow at me. "Beatrice," Caleb says disapprovingly.<p>

I start to eat it, I guess I'm going to have to purge now, which I really hate doing. I have no other choice though it's either that or getting fat. I eat the Danish reluctantly. I feel bad that Tobias had to witness the whole ordeal because now he's probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

After Caleb and Tobias get up from the table they head to the living room to watch television or something. I head to the hall bathroom and contemplate whether to do it or not.  
>I think about all of the food I ate and immediately begin to feel sick to my stomach. I tie my hair back into a pony tail, lift up the toilet lid, and stick my fingers down my throat. I start gagging and begin to purge for a bit when there's a knock on the door. "Tris, are you alright?" <em>It's Tobias, <em>I realize.

I wipe my mouth with a piece of toilet paper and flush. I blow my nose and brush the tears out from underneath my eyes. "I'm fine," I say loud enough for him to hear. I begin to brush my teeth and drink a few cups of water before exiting the bathroom.

When I exit the bathroom Tobias is there waiting for me. "Tris," he mutters, seeming disappointed in me. _He knows, _either Caleb told him or he was smart enough to connect the dots, most likely the latter. "Why do you feel the need to do that?" He asks me.

"I'm going to get fat if I don't," I say almost shamefully. "Tris you're beautiful, you don't have to do this. It's going to end up hurting you in the long run…" He says. I blush at his compliment but feel the sudden urge to cry. I throw my arms around him in a hug and cry into his chest until I actually realize what I'm doing.  
>"Oh my god, I'm sorry you need a new shirt now," I say while pulling away from the hug. "Its fine Tris," he says pulling me back into the hug.<p>

In this moment I know I have feelings greater than I'm allowed to have for this man. I'm seventeen, he's twenty two. There's no way he's even allowed to reciprocate the feelings. Why would he even consider loving an ordinary girl like me? There's nothing special about me at all, so obviously there's nothing that he could even possibly be attracted to.

I break free from the hug and we both head out to the living room. We sit down and my brother's watching Game of Thrones. I sit down and watch with the two of them. Caleb and Tobias begin talking and I listen intently to their conversation. "So what have you been doing lately?" Caleb asks Tobias.

"I'm majoring in economics at the University of Chicago right now," Tobias says. "Do you live on campus?" Caleb asks.

"No I still live with my father, but that's only so I can take over the company once my father moves to Italy with his new girlfriend in June," he says, which peaks my interest. Caleb interrogates him further, "Remind me again what your company is?" "My father is the CEO of Chase banks and I'll be taking over that position," Tobias says somewhat smugly.

"Holy shit dude. Well at least you have your life planned out," Caleb says jokingly. "So what are you doing Mr. Prior?" Tobias teases. "I'm just playing football for USC right now, NFL scouts have been coming to a lot of the games recently so I'm hoping to get drafted," Caleb says excitedly.  
>"What about you Tris?" Tobias asks me causing me to blush. "Umm… College apps for the moment," I say with a sheepish smile.<br>"Where'd you apply?" Tobias pushes. "Stanford, Columbia, Yale, Harvard, Brown, Dartmouth, Princeton, Syracuse, Cornell, University of Virginia, University of Pennsylvania, and University of Chicago. God that was a mouth full," I say light-heartedly.

"What are your top three?" He asks me and I smile. "University of Virginia, Yale, & University of Chicago," I say.

"Mine were Yale, Syracuse, and University of Chicago, which obviously worked out for me considering that I'm going to Chicago now," he says with a slight chuckle. "Why'd you choose Chicago?" I ask hoping I'm not being too invasive.  
>"I couldn't bear to leave the city, I love it here too much," He says and I smile back at him. All of a sudden Caleb's phone rings and he answers eagerly. "Hello?... Susan?... I'll be over… Love you too… See you soon," He says excitedly.<br>He looks at Tobias and I. "I'm going over to Susan's for the day, Tobias, if you want to sleep over again you can feel free to steal my clothes. Tris, stay safe,"

I smile at Caleb, once he leaves Tension fills the air. Dorota went out shopping so it's just Tobias and I. "So…" I say awkwardly. "What do you want to do?" I ask.

"I'm going to make lunch then you're going to have some. Afterwards we can head to the gym so you don't feel guilty about it afterwards. Deal?" I stare at him warily. Caleb must've gotten to him or something. I think about his suggestions. Eating has become a weird concept for me to grasp. I guess I could try since it'll make Tobias happy. _Woah, what's gotten into me? Craving approval from a random guy you only met yesterday? Someone has a crush, _the voice inside my head says I try to shut it out but it's true, so why bother?

"Fine," I say flatly. "Really?" He asks, with a crooked smile. I simply nod. He heads to the kitchen and I follow him. We start off by making a Caprese Salad in which I cut the Campari tomatoes, while he slices a ball of smoked mozzarella.

For the entrée he makes chicken sautéed with portabella mushrooms in a Marsala wine sauce. When we sit down I look at the food that's in front of me. I drink a full glass of water like I normally do before I eat anything. I take a bite of the chicken with caution. I feel as if I'm going to gag but then I can't because then I'd be embarrassed. When I'm done with my first bite my eyes widen. "This is really good," I admit, despite the fact that eating makes my stomach feel queasy. "Well I'm glad you think so," He says while flashing me a smile. _Oh god, that smile._ His smiles cause butterflies in my stomach, making my heart beat faster.

I eat all of my Caprese salad and more than half of my chicken, which by the way was a very large portion. "Thank you," I say to him meaning so much more than just for the meal. I feel tears threatening to fall so I turn around and clean up so I don't have to confront my emotions.  
>I put the dishes in the dishwasher and when I turn around he's right there and by right there I mean <em>right there.<em> "What's wrong Tris?"

"It's nothing," I say dismissing my feelings. "Come on I know something's wrong. You can be open with me. I'm not going to judge you," He assures me. I walk over to the couch and he follows. He sits down next to me and I angle my body so I'm facing him. "Okay, well what just happened was a really big deal for me," I say.  
>"How so?" He asks obviously in an effort to make me face my insecurities head on. "Well, it was the first time I've eaten a full mean in over a year. The craziest part is that I almost enjoyed it and while I still feel guilty, I'm not going to purge and I know it," I admit.<p>

"I'll be here to make sure you don't," he promises me while placing his hand on my knee. I smile at him and I know I can't stop it. I start crying, and he scoots in closer to me. He lifts me up onto his lap and I bury my head into his neck.

We never end up going to the gym to work out. We just stay like this. Occasionally talking to each other but mainly just enjoying each-others presence.

Before I drift off into dreamland he kisses the top of my head. In that moment I know I'm completely and irrevocably his.


	3. III: Boundaries

**Chapter 3: Boundaries (Tris' POV)**

When I wake up I'm in Tobias' arms. He smells really good, so I just take a deep breath and snuggle into him. I look at the digital clock on the cable box, it is almost seven so it was a fairly short nap. I feel Tobias stir so I pretend to be asleep in case he wakes up. When I feel his breathing become steady I open one eye to peek up at him only to find that he's staring down at me. "I knew you were awake Tris," He says playfully, I get off of his lap and laugh. "You caught me red handed," I say jokingly.

I go to stand up but he grabs my waist and pulls me back down to him. I feel a pang in my heart, _maybe he has feelings for me too? _I think even though it's highly unrealistic. I bury my head in the crook of his neck. _Friends don't do that right? _Now I remember. He kissed the top of my head before I fell asleep.  
>"Tobias, can I ask you something?" I mutter into his neck before pulling away. "Anything," he says.<br>I look down so my hair covers my face, but much to my surprise he brushes it away causing me to subconsciously look up at him.  
>"Umm…" I start, but bite my lip unsure whether to ask him or not. "What is it?" He asks me while furrowing his eyebrows.<p>

"Last night when you kissed the top of my head, did you know I was awake?" I ask awkwardly and make an effort for my hair to fall back into my face again but to my frustration it just won't. He rubs the back of his neck. "Not really," He admits.

"Well thanks for being honest," I tell him and before I can continue talking I feel his lips on mine and everything in my life seems right at the moment, even though what I'm doing is so very wrong. So damn wrong.

I kiss him back and while I shouldn't I still do. I feel his hands on my waist and wrap my arms around his neck. He nibbles on my lower lip and I part them. His tongue slips in my mouth and we stay like this for I don't even know how long. It's as if the rest of the world stops but the two of us keep going.

I finally pull away and bite my lip again. Feeling unsure of whether or not it was good enough for him. I mean it was great for me but I need to know whether he liked it or not. "Was that okay?" I ask and he laughs. "It was great," He says while pulling me in closer to him. "I think its dinnertime," I say knowing it's another chance to prove myself to Tobias.

"You don't have to rush into things Tris, you're just starting to recover you don't have to dive in headfirst," He assures me. I know it's not true but I decide to lie anyways because I know it'll make him like me more. "But I _want _to," I say full of deceit.

"Really?" He asks and I nod in response. "Well go get dressed then, I'm taking you out," He says.

_Like on a date? _I think to myself. I change into a navy skater dress which falls down to the middle of my thighs. I feel as if I'm getting fatter but at least Tobias likes me when I eat… right? I wear black heels considering the fact that he's almost a foot taller than me.  
>He smiles at me when I enter the living room, he waits for me and we head down the elevator together. We head to a restaurant which he refuses to tell me the name of. However once we get there and the valet parks his Aston Martin I see that the restaurant is called Amity 925.<p>

It's on the top level of the Ritz-Carlton hotel so we have to take an elevator to get up there. Once we do, I feel immediately underdressed despite the fact that I'm in a dress in heels. Tobias is in dark wash jeans with a Ralph Lauren dress shirt and Sperry Top-Siders. He doesn't even have to tell them his name even though there are tons of people in the lobby waiting to be seated. The hostess eyes me up and down and almost nods in approval. "Welcome Mr. Eaton, would you like to sit in the bar or somewhere more private?" The hostess asks. "Private," he says to the hostess, she just smiles and leads us past the bar and to a sectioned off area of the restaurant which are almost like luxurious cubicles except they have a couch and a coffee table. Two sides of the walls are glass so we must've gotten the room on the corner.

I sit down on the couch and so does he, immediately we're greeted by a server and are given menus. "I want a bottle of Macallan 1946 and one of gout de diamants," He says and I wonder how the hell he can remember the names off of the top of his head. The server looks shocked and he comes back with another man. "Welcome Tobias how are you?" The man our server brought says.

"I'm great Harrison, how are you?" I watch the exchange and it seems like they've been friends for a long time. "Just fantastic, my server Eldridge over here said you ordered a bottle of gout de diamants and I couldn't help but wonder what the occasion was," he says smiling.  
>I don't really understand what they're talking about it but I stand up to join Tobias anyways. "Well look at you, finally becoming a man. I assume she's the reason you're celebrating?" Harrison says and I smile. He takes my left hand. "But no ring on the finger yet?" Harrison teases and I smile awkwardly. I pull my hand away. "Anyways I wish the best for the two of you," Harrison says before shaking Tobias' hand and leaving. "What was that all about?" I ask Tobias as I sit down<p>

"Harrison just wanted to say hi, he's the owner of the place and I used to stop by a lot so he's probably wondering what I'm doing back here," He says casually. "No I mean about the drink," I say.

He laughs and shakes his head. "It's no big deal Tris, it's just some very nice champagne." I raise an eyebrow at him curiously. "Then why was it a big deal then?"

"It's just expensive and they normally only have one at a time so whenever someone orders it they just assume it's a special occasion," Tobias says while shrugging. "Well is this a special occasion?" I ask and he smiles.

"Very much so," he says before kissing me.  
>Our drinks come and I'm intimidated by just the bottle. "Jesus Christ," I mutter and Tobias heard me. "It's not a big deal Tris," He says casually and I try to relax.<p>

Tobias pops the cork off the champagne and it flies but none of it overflows. He pours it into our flutes and once I taste it, I'm in heaven. "Oh my god this tastes amazing," I say and he just laughs at my childish excitement. We finish the bottle of champagne. And I only take a sip of the whiskey but what I taste is absolutely amazing. He drinks quite a bit of it. Shit, now how are we supposed to get home? We're both drunk and no matter how drunk I am I'm still smart enough not to get in the car with a drunk driver.

Things are blurry but Tobias isn't. I straddle his lap and make out with him, the taste of liquor still very prominent in our mouths. Since I'm wearing a dress there's not much between us. However when his thumb strokes the edge of my underwear I'm gone. He traces the outline of it then he daringly slips a finger underneath the fabric. He sticks two fingers inside of me and I let out a soft moan. He kisses my neck and pumps his fingers in and out of me. He rubs my clit and I just about explode. I want to yell his name, I want to scream it loud, but I can't, not hear, not now, not ever. Because what's happening right now, is insanely wrong, insanely taboo and almost illegal. The worst part about it all?

I don't care.


	4. IV: Tainted Love

**Chapter 4: Tainted Love (Tobias' POV)**

When I wake up Tris is laying on my chest. We're still at Amity 925. I guess Harrison decided to let us stay the night. After all I did spend a shit ton last night. Surprisingly I don't have much of a hangover though, just a slight headache.

I smile as I watch Tris stirs awake. She's so beautiful, so pure and innocent. Honestly I feel bad for her for having to go through so much shit at such a young age. I'll do anything in my power to help her live a more fulfilling life. When she opens her eyes I smile instantly. "Morning Beautiful," I say while kissing the side of her head.

She kisses me softly on the lips in response. "Good morning," she say happily with a yawn. "I think we should head back home, god knows what Caleb is doing right now," I grab the bottle of whiskey with one hand and Tris' hand in the other. We exit the restaurant through the elevator we came up in.

We head out to the front and I tip the valet nicely. He retrieves my car for me and I open the passenger's door for Tris despite the fact that the valet normally does it. She blushes and I can't help but find it endearing. We drive back to her apartment building and I park my car in the underground garage. We head into the elevator and Tris swipes her keycard so we have access to her floor.

When we get there I find Caleb pacing around in the living room. When he sees us he seems angry yet relieved. "Where the hell were you two?" Caleb asks and I laugh. "Relax we just went to get something to eat," I say but Caleb doesn't look amused.

"So it took you all of last night and most of the morning? Tobias, she's my little sister she's not even legal for you," Caleb says angrily and I understand where he's coming from. "Caleb we weren't doing anything like that. I took her to Amity, we had a few drinks then we fell asleep on the couches there," I explain but he doesn't seem to be buying it. "Tris go back to your room," Caleb says coldly and she listens to him.  
>"Tobias seriously? Tris out of all people? Couldn't you find someone your own age? Or at least someone who's legal for you?" Caleb says. "It's not like that, I genuinely care about her Caleb, besides thanks to me she's eating now," I say with a smile.<br>"What the hell? How did you manage to do that?" Caleb asks and I chuckle. "I made her lunch, she ate all of it, and I promised her we could go to the gym to burn it off, but we didn't even go to the gym, and I made sure she didn't purge," I say proudly.  
>"I guess you aren't as bad for her as I thought but you have to take into consideration the age difference. You're almost five years older than her, now granted she turns eighteen in a little bit over a month from now but still you really have to be cautious. I know you Tobias, despite how much restraint you think you have you're still a man and honestly I don't think Tris will give you that yet nor should she. I'm sorry I just really don't like the idea of one of my friends dating my little sister…" He says. "I understand what you mean Caleb, I have no intentions of using or hurting her in anyway," I say in response to his little monologue.<p>

"I'm sorry for judging you so harshly Tobias it's just that once this break is over, I head back to California and you're still here and so is Tris. I'm just worried about her wellbeing and I don't think she needs a complicated relationship with an older guy on top of all of her problems," he says. "I'll watch over her, even if I can't have her in a romantic way I'll still look out for her like any good friend would do," I say and Caleb seems to let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you," he says.

-Page break-

Tris, Caleb, and I have been bonding these last couple of days, whether it's watching American horror story reruns on Netflix or going swimming at the indoor pool their apartment complex offers, we always seem to have a lot of fun.

Tris has been eating regularly for the most part, I don't try to shove it down her throat but I'm always there to encourage her to get better. As far as Caleb knows there is nothing romantic going on between Tris and I anymore. He just doesn't know about how I sneak in her bedroom at night or how we share stolen kisses when his back is turned.

Tris is all mine and I really do think I love her. It's so early though, we aren't even in an official relationship so there's no way I'm going to tell her. Her knowing would just make things even more confusing than they already are.

She wants a defined relationship. I can tell it by the way she looks at me pleadingly when we talk about life and the future. I have my future planned out ahead of me and one thing is for sure, I want Tris in it.

We finished catching up on the last season of American horror story so we are all up to par when next Wednesday night rolls around. Caleb and Tris head back to their rooms, normally I knock on Tris' bedroom door to make sure it's okay to come in but this time it's cracked. I enter her room and find her pulling her little shorts on. She's clad in light blue lace underwear with a bra to match. She pulls her shorts on and when she turns around she looks startled to see me. "I came a bit early didn't I?" I ask and she shakes her head no.  
>"It's fine," she says. I look her up and down she's still only in her bra and her tiny little shorts. I tilt her chin up with my finger and lean down to kiss her.<p>

I lock the door behind us. Tris takes off her shorts for some reason despite the fact that she just put them on. She guides me to the bed and I sit down on it. She's quick to straddle me and kiss me. The kiss is full of fervor and passion almost like she's been bottling it up inside her all day. She pushes her apex into mine and I push up more, craving the friction.

I grow hard quickly. She notices this and plays with the waistband of my sweatpants. She pulls them down and I feel as if I should stop her but my dick is taking control of my mind so all I want right now is some sort of release.

She pulls down my underwear and she starts running her hands down my length. Before I can even ask her if she really wants to do this she's already taking in my length.

I feel her hot wet mouth encompassing my cock and it's enough to drive me insane. She looks up at me as she does it and once her eyes meet mine that's when it hits me. She's doing this out of love, not lust. She's not gaining anything by doing this so she must be trying to gain my approval somehow and that just makes me feel sick.

I push those thoughts out of my brain for the time being and I just focus on the beautiful girl who's sucking my dick. She moves her head up and down skillfully while pumping her hands up and down on the remainder that couldn't fit in her mouth. She swirls her tongue around the tip of my dick and I come.  
>She swallows but there's still some on the corner of her lips. I wipe it off with my thumb and she just shrugs. She lays down on the bed and I feel guilty. I have to repay her, actually no I <em>want <em>to reciprocate to her actions.

I pull back on my underwear and sweatpants. I kiss her softly and unclasp her bra. I leave light kisses down her collarbone and I massage each of her breasts before giving them attention with my mouth. I bite down on her nipple slightly and she mutters my name, "Tobias."

I move her so her legs are hanging off of the bed. I slide her underwear down off of her legs and spread her legs wider to give me easier access. I kiss her down her stomach leading to her inner thighs. I stick a finger inside of her and she's insanely wet already. I lick my finger off so it's clean then I begin to work her.

I suck on her clitoris then I stick my tongue inside of her. Sucking and licking. I stick three fingers inside of her and begin thrusting them in and out. I continue to tickle her clit with my tongue then return to eating her out. I rub her clit with my thumb in a circular motion white moving my fingers in and out of her. I feel her throb and tighten and I know my job is done. I look up at her and her eyes are closed. Her breathing is labored and I know I've done a good job.

I put her panties back on for her and watch as she puts on her bra. I pull my sweatpants back on and kiss her goodnight. I head to the guest room I've been sleeping in for my stay here and fall asleep


	5. V: Coping

**Chapter 5: Coping (Tris' POV)**

My life has changed so quickly in the past couple of days. All of it is due to Tobias Eaton. He drives me insane with every kiss and touch we share. I finally feel like I've actually found a friend.

The pessimistic part of me- that is often in control- takes over, causing me to wonder how long all of this is going to last. He's probably going to leave me after Caleb goes back to college and even if he doesn't leave at that moment, he'll leave eventually. He has so much going for him and I literally have nothing. He and Caleb are my only friends, I don't play sports anymore, and I feel the need to kill myself every time the smallest thing bothers me.

I'm a charity case and he's probably aware of that. I bet he's just sticking around because he feels bad for me. I climb out of the bed, the clock reads eight so Dorota would be coming to fetch me for breakfast anytime now.

I head into my bathroom and get in the shower. I wash and condition my hair. Then I shave all of the necessary places. I put the razor back in its place on the shelf in my shower but my eyes linger on the blade.

God I haven't done _that _in so long. It's so tempting. _Do it Tris, its winter. It's easy enough to hide your scars, do it._  
>I take the shaving razor in my hand and disassemble it. The water still trailing down my back. Once I get the blades out of the plastic I set the scraps down on the shelf. I run the blade across my wrist and it sends shivers down my spine. I've missed the feeling. It's been months since I've done anything like this.<p>

I watch as the blood trickles down my arm and onto the white stone floor of the shower. I make three evenly spaced cuts on each wrist and when I'm finished I feel completely at ease. "Perfect," I mutter while looking at them.

I stay in the shower for a few more minutes, waiting for the bleeding to subside. Thankfully the towels in my bathroom are navy so I can just pat my wounds dry.

I dry off my hair and body. I put on a plush bathrobe and head over to my closet. I choose a grey long sleeved cable knit sweater, black leggings and shearling-lined moccasins. I change into the clothes I picked out then as expected Dorota knocks on my door. "Miss Tris, Breakfast is ready," she says in her high pitched voice that's laced with a Russian accent.

I head down to the kitchen to find that Tobias and Caleb are already there. I fix myself a plate of two eggs over easy and three strips of bacon. Then I grab a bowl with half a grapefruit in it.  
>We eat and converse. "So I figured today we could go down to the pool or something," Caleb says referring to the indoor pool. "I'm not really up for that," I say, thinking about what the consequences would be if one of them noticed my cuts.<p>

"Come on Tris, don't be a party pooper," Tobias says and I give him a weak smile. I have to come up with an excuse. "I'm on the middle of my period," I lie and Caleb nearly gags on his eggs. "Thanks for sharing Tris," Caleb says.

"sorry I feel as if I needed a valid reason as to why I don't want to go swimming," I say truthfully. "Okay," he says while rolling his eyes.

Caleb is quick to change topics. "So Christmas is in three days Tris, what'd you get me?" He asks playfully. "Nothing," I tease, which is partially true considering I haven't gone Christmas shopping.

"Actually instead of swimming we could go shopping today," Tobias suggests and I'm forever grateful.

When we're all done with breakfast, Caleb heads back to his room to change and Tobias leads me to the couch. "What was that Tris?" He asks and I'm utterly confused. "What was what?"

"Your whole excuse, I'm pretty sure you're not on your period considering last night," He says and I know I'm screwed. "I just didn't want to go swimming," I mutter.

"Why didn't you just say that?" He asks. "I did it just seemed like neither of you were willing to take no for an answer. I was intimidated Tobias, I didn't want to let you guys down or upset you for no valid reason," I say in response.

"Okay I'm trusting you Tris, is there anything you want to tell me?" Tobias asks and I shake my head no. I kiss him on the cheek and we just sit there until Caleb comes out. "Ready to go?" he asks.

I grab my jacket and we take Tobias' car. Caleb gawks at the sight of it. "Four when did you get this?"

"Four?" I ask raising an eyebrow at him. "It was my football number in high school, just a nickname," he explains and I nod. "Oh I got it this past summer," he says in response to my brother's question. He blasts music by The Black Keys as we head to the mall and I'm quite content considering that they're one of my favorite bands.

We arrive at Woodfield mall and when we get there they have every store imaginable. We're together at first but due to Caleb's erudite nature he spends over an hour in brookestone then rambles on about how he wants to go to Barnes & Noble so Tobias and I ditch him.

We head to bloomingdales and I get Caleb an agenda from Louis Vuitton, knowing he'll appreciate it considering how OCD he is about his schedule. I buy Tobias a wallet and some cologne from Tom Ford.

Tobias insists we head to a jewelers so I get Caleb a watch from Montblanc in addition to his agenda. We wander around the mall after that and I pretend not to notice the box he slipped into his jacket pocket. We call Caleb to meet up with him but when he answers we find out he's in another book store so it's useless to try to rip him from his true love.

Tobias and I walk around then we head into American Apparel. I try on some pants considering its winter and I don't really have a need for dresses. I end up buying a pair of pants then we leave to go into Anthropologie. I try on a few different sweaters then I try on a dress just for Tobias.

I open up the dressing room door and twirl around for him when a sudden realization dawns upon me. Nothing is covering my wrists. I try not to change my demeanor because then he'd suspect something is up. I head back into the dressing room and change into my normal clothes. I buy the dress, seeing as he loved me in it.  
>We head out into the mall again and he carries my bags for me. We end up meeting Caleb at the food court. Caleb gets panda express while Tobias and I get chipotle. While waiting in line I decide to tease him, "You know you've barely kissed me today."<p>

He kisses me and I blush. "Does that solve your problem?" He whispers in my ear. "A little bit," I say with a smile on my face. We order our food then meet Caleb at a table. I sip my soda while eating my food.

"You've come such a long way Beatrice, I'm proud of you," Caleb says. _Well you shouldn't be, I cut my wrists open last night, _"Thanks I've been working really hard."

We head back home and Caleb has quite a few of his own bags. When we're finally back at the penthouse we all take our gifts back to our rooms Tobias joins me in my room. He shuts the door behind him.

He sits down on my bed and I join him. "Tris, can I see your wrists?" He asks _oh shit he knows. _I nod because resisting will get me nowhere. I pull my sleeves up and show him my cuts. "Listen Tris, I know exactly how you're feeling. I understand," he says trailing off.

"How so?" I ask. "I used to cut too," he says while lifting his sleeves up to reveal large scars on his inner arm. I can't believe I didn't notice them before.

"Why?" I ask. He takes a deep breath as if he's contemplating whether to tell me or not. "My father used to abuse me. It was my only escape. Despite how much I hated the pain my father was able to inflict on me, I liked knowing that I had the ability to do it to myself. It made me feel like I had control of the pain I felt regardless of the fact that I didn't," he says and I sympathize with him.

I pull my sleeves down and he does the same. "Tris, I'm not going to tell Caleb but if he finds out on his own I want you to tell him and be honest with him," Tobias says. He picks my arm up and kisses my wrist then proceeds to do the same with the other.

I smile at him. "So what'd you get me?" He asks while giving me a playful shove. "I'm not telling you," I say while sticking my tongue out.

Tobias kisses me and I melt into his touch. We kiss for a while then we head back out into the living room. "Tris, I'm going over to Susan's for the night. Stay safe," he says.

"Okay have fun," I say while giving him a wink. He leaves the apartment and Tobias wraps his arm around me while whispering in my ear. "So we have the place all to ourselves tonight," He says suggestively.  
>"Dorota you can have the night off," I yell out. "Thank you Ms. Prior," she says as she bursts out the front door.<p>

When I know she's gone I decide to straddle Tobias and grind my pelvic bone against his. I kiss him passionately when the door opens I move off of his quickly but it's too late, Caleb already saw. "I forgot my phone," Caleb mutters raising an eyebrow at us. He leaves and I let out a sigh of relief. "I'm surprised he didn't say anything," I mutter. I return to my position on his lap and kiss him again. Making sure that this kiss is filled with as much fervor as the first.

I know this is wrong. He's five years older than me, but in a few months none of that will matter because then I'll be legal. He kisses me down my neck and cups my boobs in his hands massaging my nipples with his thumbs. I crave his touch. I have a strong urge to rid myself of all my clothing just so I can feel him against me.  
>I run my hands over his muscles and lift his shirt over his shoulders. I stare in admiration at his sculpted physique. He literally looks like a god. I rid myself of my shirt and I can tell he's definitely pleased. I undo his jeans and pull them down to his ankles. He's extremely hard. I grasp his through his underwear and he lets out a low groan. I smile knowing I can elicit these sounds out of him. I pull down his underwear to reveal his hardened cock.<p>

I take his tip in my mouth and lick off the pre cum. He lifts his hips up as I swirl my tongue around his tip. I take his cock in deeper and really begin to work my hands on the part that doesn't fit in my mouth which is actually quite a bit taking into consideration the enormity of his cock.

He runs his hands through my hair and guides my head up and down on it. We go like this for about half an hour since he takes a while to bust. He cums in my mouth and this time I'm able to swallow all of it. It tastes pretty sweet considering that Tobias has a much better diet than the majority of guys out there.

I actually kind of enjoy going down on him because I love that I'm able to cause him so much pleasure. I pull his underwear up for him and kiss his neck. He pulls his jeans back on but leaves his shirt off. I straddle him again then he unclasps my bra.

He takes one of my breasts into his mouth and he licks at me peak causing it to harden. He repeats this process on the other. He pulls away and kisses my lips. He massages both of my breasts with his hands and pinches both of my nipples at the same time causing me to moan and sending a feeling of pleasure straight down to my clit.

He pulls my pants down and slips his hand into my underwear. His fingers work my bundle of nerves and I squirm underneath his touch. It sends shivers of pleasure down my spines. I buck my hips into his touch just to feel his touch. He gives me one of his crooked smiles and it's irresistible. He fingers my clit and I kiss him passionately. I reach my orgasm and he smiles at me. "You're amazing," he says and I laugh. "I could say the same to you," I say with a smile before giving him one last kiss.


End file.
